My Dilemma. BFing or Baby #2

I'm not going to breastfeed Callum forever. I know this. It would be very embarrassing if I had to go to sleep away camp with him or worse yet, try to move into his college dorm! I'm shocked I'm still breastfeeding him at 15 months. I never thought we'd make it to a year and even if we did, a year was the plan. No more.

Breastfeeding was really hard in the beginning, but we got through it and I think that is part of the reason that I haven't weaned him yet. He's not exclusively breastfed anymore. He takes milk in his sippy cups during the day, but I still nurse him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I know it's good for him, especially through the New England winter months when it's cold and miserable and any extra antibodies I can give him to get through flu season is a bonus. And most of this is excuses. It's nice. He's not a cuddly baby so this is our special time together and I'm doing it as much for me as I'm doing it for him.

So what does any of this have to do with Baby #2? People get pregnant while bfing all the time. Not me. We were ready to start trying for Baby #2 almost right away. But my body isn't. It took us a while and some help from clomid to get pregnant the first time. I was diagnosed with a mild case of PCOS. Long story short, I rarely ovulate on my own and I haven't had a cycle is two years now. And as wonderful as that is (and I won't lie, it's pretty freaking great!), it makes trying for baby #2 very difficult.

I've spoken to my nurse practitioner (she helped us the last time), and she will prescribe something to bring on a period so I can start clomid again but I have to wait until I stop nursing. That's my dilemma. It's been five months since I talked to her and I really thought Callum would have quit on me by now, but he hasn't and he is showing no signs of quitting nursing on his own.

We really want to start trying for baby #2 and have been for months, but I can't help but feel guilty. I know it's ridiculous but I feel like I'm short changing Callum by taking away something that he enjoys and that I know is good for him. It's like I'm choosing the other baby over him. ...and that sounds so overly dramatic!

That's my dilemma. And because I'm incapable of making hard decisions, I'm probably going to continue bfing him for a bit longer...

Tomorrow's post is going to be on a totally non-baby related. It's about a hat. A friendly, but dirty old baseball hate.

2011 - The year I'll attempt to blog

1-1-11. How did I miss that? My sister texted me this morning with a "Happy New Year 1-1-11" and I'm surprised I hadn't put that together. Maybe it's because they didn't make such a big deal about it like they did with 6-6-06, 7-7-07, etc, but still, I'm usually quicker than that. Maybe the big hoopla will come when we hit 11-11-11. Now that's a lot of 1's.

Huh. This is the year that I want to really put some effort into blogging and that was my opening paragraph. Displaying a fascination with numbers/dates and using the word "hoopla" probably isn't going to convince a lot of folks that I'm worth following... Oh well. These are the types of things that actually go through my head. Scary, but true. Sorry folks. Walk away while you can.

Back to 2011. I'm not really great at finishing projects that I start. I started this blog four years ago, but never really focused on it. My goal is not to be a famous blogger with lots of advertisers and cool giveaways. I'd just like share some of my random thoughts and maybe connect with some people that I stuff in common with. So with that I'm going to give blogging a shot for 2011 and see what happens.

A little bit about myself and my little family. I've been married for 4 1/2 years to a pretty great guy. He's smart, but an idiot at the same time. I'm not nearly nice enough to him, but he sticks around anyways and that's another thing I'm going to work on this upcoming year. We have a 5-year old dog (yes, we lived in sin prior to getting married!). His a name is Chester and he is a Brittany. He's probably the most disobedient dog you'll meet, unless of course you have food in your hand and then he is a angel. And then there is our son Callum. Callum's 15 months old today and is a great kid. He's not a cuddly baby, which I'm now wondering if that's my fault because I'm not very cuddly, but he's very cheerful and good natured and I love him to death. He's also very funny. Or at least he's funny to me, but then again I'm the one that started this post by ranting about numbers and dates! It's been a wild ride since we've had him, but I wouldn't change any of it. In fact the topic for tomorrow's post will be about our quest for baby #2.

A little more about me, I'm a working mom and keep a terrible house. I can't even use the baby as an excuse. I kept a terrible house long before I was even pregnant . I'm not crafty. I hate clutter, but I'm a bit of a pack rat. (If someone could figure that one out for me I'd be much obliged, okay? Thanks!) I'm not a fashionista, but I envy women that are. I'd love to be good at hair, make-up and accessorizing, but I can barely dress myself in the morning. It was probably a blessing we had a boy and not a girl because she'd be totally screwed! Oh and I'm procrastinator. I haven't done my wedding album yet and it's been over 4 years! It's fully paid for by the way, I just need to pick out the pictures. And my MIL is ready to kill because I haven't got her the parents album yet.

That's probably enough for today. If you are not totally appalled by what you read, you are invited to come back again. I'll be here all year!

1 week down, 8 to go!

It was a crazy week, but I did it. I completed the first week of C25K. I knew it was a good sign when I did it last Monday, but the fact that I managed to do all three runs this week is amazing for me -- I've started this program in my head (and on this blog!) more than a few times but never followed through. With this first hurdle done, I'm feeling confident that its going to be different this time.

On an eating front I was a rock star Monday through Thursday. I kept track of what I was eating and stayed within my Weight Watcher points. Things were looking good. And then the weekend came and I ate non-stop. It wasn't even anything good. I just couldn't stop snacking. I need to come up with a better plan for dealing with the weekends.

All and all I feel good. I'm thrilled that I finished the first week and I'm looking forward to doing Day 1 of Week 2 tonight even though I know it's going to be harder. There is no lose on the scale this week, which is a shame because on Friday morning there was, but apparently my non-stop snacking this weekend had some collateral damage.

I did this week on the treadmill because my husband was traveling, but would like to venture outdoors this week. If anyone finds their selves here that is doing it on a treadmill I'd be curious as what speed you are doing the walk vs. run. I'm intentionally doing the running a bit on the slow side because I want to make sure I stick with it and I think keeping it manageable will be key.

Have a good week!

C25K or bust!

Today's the day. And I'm ready. Well almost ready -- there have a been a few wrenches thrown my way, but I'm determined to make this happen.

Quick recap: I have a beautiful baby boy. He turned one on October 1st and he loves chocolate cake -- who doesn't, right?
And I want to be healthier for him and losing some weight and getting in shape plays a big role in that.

I started McFatty Monday late January and lost some weight, but put some of it back on the past few weeks. But luckily just when my motivation was running a bit low, the C25K challenge came out. I've always wanted to be able to run. I'm convinced that if I ever started running it would be the key to maintaining my weight. I've tried C25K before, and gave up somewhere around week 2 or 3, but I'm hoping that doing it with a bunch of virtual friends from McFatty Monday that I'll find the inspiration to keep with it this time.

I seemed to have gone off track from my quick recap. I'm about 12lbs less than my pre-pregnancy weight which is great, but that was higher than I would have liked. I'm 12.4 lbs off from my goal weight, but I'm really just going to focus on making it through the program and toning up. I've even taken my measurements! ::gasp!::

And to prove that I mean business this time I'm doing the unthinkable. I'm posting a "before" picture ::double gasp!::



Hello there ! And note to self, get some new workout clothes.

My plan is to start today and do a weekly check-in on how I'm doing. The program is nine weeks so I'm also planning on posting a progress picture after completing 3 and then 6 weeks to see how I'm doing.

And now that the child is sleeping, I'm going to go for a run.

Have a great week!

McFatty Monday - Starting Over...

So I lost motivation... I fit back into most of my clothes. I was under pre-baby weight. Maybe I hadn't lost all that I wanted to, but I was doing ok. I was feeling good and for the most part I was maintaining my weight. And then I did what I always do. I started eating. And I'm talking non-stop. If it's bad for you, I ate it. Sure I had good excuses -- a vacation with the family, work was busy so we needed to order take out, 4 birthday parties in 3 weekends -- but the truth is I just wanted to eat delicious junk food. So I did. Pizza, buffalo wings, chips, ice cream....

Normally I would have caught this after a couple of weeks, but my safety net wasn't there. For some strange reason, during a cleaning frenzy (which in itself was strange!) my husband decided to put my scale in the basement. When I asked him why, he said he didn't think I used it. Didn't use it?!?! I use it all-the-time. I know you should only weigh yourself once a week, but I weigh myself a few times a week. Sometimes daily. Sometimes a couple of times in a single day. I know this isn't healthy so I thought that I would try life without a scale. Big mistake. Strike that. HUGE Mistake.

Now I'm starting to feel my stomach when I sit. My clothes are not fitting as well. And most importantly I'm not feeling as good as I used to.

How much damage did I do during my downward eating spiral? No clue. I'm afraid to step on the scale. It's still in the basement. But I need to get back into control. I'm recommitting to McFatty Monday. I'm starting today/this week with focusing on eating. Next week I'm start with exercise.

Some of the ladies (and maybe gentlemen? not sure) on McFatty are going to be starting C25K. I've always wanted to do this. I've even said in past weeks here that I was going to start it as my exercise program but never did. But I'm going to this time. If we start next Monday we'll complete the program (9 weeks I think) right before Christmas and I think being able to do a 5K is a very good gift to myself and what a great way to close out the year.

Not having a scale didn't work well for me, but I think I'm going to try measuring success a bit differently this time around. I'm going to put more emphasis on getting through each of the weeks and not the number on the scale and I'm also going to take my measurements. Like many others I'm hoping some regular cardio will help tone and firm things that haven't been firm and tone in quite a while!

Things to do by next Monday (I do like a good list!): buy a measuring tape, get the scale out of the basement, download the C25K app from iTunes (there are a couple, any recommendations on which one is best?) and go shopping for new sports bras.

Have a good week!

So things I'm going to do to prepare for next weekUntil next week.... Enjoy!

Stay-cation: Days 1- 4 -- FAIL!

We're allowed to take two weeks off from daycare without paying as long as they are in the months of July and August. We took a week off at the beginning of July and used the time to do a road-trip to visit family and decided to take the week of August 30th and just stay at home and be a family. Sounds great, right?

Today is day four and amount of family time so far? Zero. Well at least zero with the three of us.

Right after we picked the week we get an email from MIL asking if she come for a visit that first weekend. Not quite the way I wanted to kick off my vacation, but fine. She doesn't get to see the baby that often and it's important they spend time together. She arrives, everything is going great and then my husband gets a call Friday night that he has to leave the next morning for a last minute business trip. Fan-freaking-tastic. Don't get me wrong, I get along with my MIL, but I hadn't planned on hosting the visit by myself. Plus I had plans to get together with my sister on Sunday for a bit and had to cancel... Bleh!

Monday, my MIL leaves and I get the great news that my husband was able to cut the trip short and would be home late that night. Perfect! Until Tuesday morning that is. During breakfast the phone rings and he has to go into the office today. Fan-freaking-tastic again!

So here I am on day four and nothing has gone the way I've wanted it to. On top of that I needed to get one project done before leaving work last week and I didn't get it done. I had hoped to get it done over the weekend while my husband entertained my MIL and baby, but because of his trip I haven't been able to find time to do it. Urgh!

On the brightside, I have been able to have the past two days alone with my son and that has been wonderful. I'm just annoyed that my husband is missing it and I have no faith that the next few days will be any different.

I know that this is just a whining mess, but I needed to get it out. Ok. Whining over. Time to work on my project while the little one naps so I can enjoy my alone time with him the rest of the afternoon.

And crossing my fingers that we can salvage the rest of the week...

McFatty Monday Week 32: No loss, but doing better

So two weeks ago I had a little breakdown and got some wonderful, supportive comments. While I don't want anyone to feel so... how should I say it... tired, overwhelmed, mediocre, behind at life -- pick any or all of them really! -- it was great to know I wasn't alone. So a big thank you to everyone!

A lot of the suggestions were to take it slow and make some small changes. And I sort-of listened. I made some small changes, and the amount of changes were probably more than I should of taken on at once , but it's been going ok. I've focused on getting in my water which has also helped with my dwindling breast-milk supply (bonus!) and I've also tried to get more exercise in. I managed to walk the dog three times last week and we spent some nice family time this weekend walking around the zoo.


And I also made an effort to get out from under the backlog of work that I've let piled up. I figured this would help with feeling so overwhelmed, and while there is still a lot to do with that one, but at least I made a dent which is a good start. These are all good things. But I also decided to start training for a 5K at the end of October, but then promptly did nothing about it. I'd still like to do the race, so maybe I'll start training for it this week. And I had planned to start eating better and I didn't... So a lot a good and some stuff that still need work...

I didn't lose any weight these past two weeks, but I also didn't gain. I'm 8lbs away from my end goal.

Our very honest and open McFatty leader Blair asked about our summer vacations and if they were everything we dreamed them to be. I was lucky enough to have two so far this summer and one more planned for next week. The first was a trip to the "House of the Mouse" or WDW where I had a wonder week with my family and my sister and her family. Since the little man was only 8 months, we only went to the parks one day, but it was a busy one! He got to see the Magic Kingdom, Epcot and ride the monorail. The rest of the week was spent playing with his cousins and splashing around in the pool with his dad. Doesn't get much better than that!
The next vacation week was we spent mostly in the car. We did a week-long road-trip to visit family. My sister and her family in CT for one night, three nights in Gettysburg to visit my husband's family and then two nights in Ocean City, MD to introduce my son to his Great-Gram. This trip was mixed. Some of it was miserable, some of it was great, but the time at the ocean spending it to my son was fantastic! He loves the beach and I loved showing it to him and just spending the time with him.

The vacation next week is the one I'm looking forward to the most. We're doing nothing! Well we may do some day trips, but it's just going to be the four of us. Me, my husband, the boy and the dog. My brother-in-law has been living with us for the summer and just went back to college, so we'll have the house to ourselves and it's going to be fabulous!

Have a great week!