Monday, July 19, 2010

McFatty Monday Week 27: Body Image

Wow! Has it really been 4 weeks since I checked in? Yikes! The good news is that after two vacations, a week of cookie craziness and enjoying summertime libations, I've managed to get back to my birthday goal weight and am now only 6 lbs away from my final goal of Wedding weight! I only have 3 1/2 weeks to do it which may or may not be doable. When you are that close to goal 2lbs a week is a long shot, but I'm going to try for it!

So I'm close. And right now I'm at a number that I can usually maintain pretty easily while fitting into clothes. But I'm not happy. Even though all the baby weight is gone and I've lost all of the pre-baby weight I had put on for various reasons, I'm not happy. I should be ecstatic, but I'm not. I don't think I look good. In fact, I don't see a whole lot of difference than I did pre-baby even though I'm somewhere between 15 and 18 less than I was there. I've been saying I was going to post before and after pictures and I'm going to once I take them. Maybe that will help. But right now I just feel doughy. That's probably because I am doughy, but that's besides the point. I don't think I've ever been happy with how I looked. Maybe, and that's a big maybe, about 8 years ago, but it was seriously for like two months. I've just never had a good body image.

I know I should exercise, but truthfully I'm not sure that even if I wasn't doughy I'd have a better body image. Maybe that's my excuse for not exercising - I hiding behind finding the truth that I'll just never be happy with myself. This may sound awful, but sometimes I'm happy I didn't have a girl because I'm afraid I would pass along my unease with myself/body. While it can still be an issue with boys I don't think it's as prevalent. Maybe I'm wrong about that though so I'd love to hear thoughts.

Last week people posted pictures of themselves in bathing suits. I thought to myself that never in a millions years would I do that, but maybe it could be my first step. I don't even know what it would be a first step to. Exercising? Feeling better about myself? I don't know. But it's a picture of my little family having a good time at my son's first trip to the beach. I want to look at that picture and remember how much fun we had and not that I think I look terrible. (I seriously had no idea how droopy my boobs looked! - I'm blaming it on the fact that the suit was a size too big. See! There I go fixating on it again!) . So here it is, straight from the beach in Ocean City, MD.

Have a good week!