My Dilemma. BFing or Baby #2

I'm not going to breastfeed Callum forever. I know this. It would be very embarrassing if I had to go to sleep away camp with him or worse yet, try to move into his college dorm! I'm shocked I'm still breastfeeding him at 15 months. I never thought we'd make it to a year and even if we did, a year was the plan. No more.

Breastfeeding was really hard in the beginning, but we got through it and I think that is part of the reason that I haven't weaned him yet. He's not exclusively breastfed anymore. He takes milk in his sippy cups during the day, but I still nurse him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I know it's good for him, especially through the New England winter months when it's cold and miserable and any extra antibodies I can give him to get through flu season is a bonus. And most of this is excuses. It's nice. He's not a cuddly baby so this is our special time together and I'm doing it as much for me as I'm doing it for him.

So what does any of this have to do with Baby #2? People get pregnant while bfing all the time. Not me. We were ready to start trying for Baby #2 almost right away. But my body isn't. It took us a while and some help from clomid to get pregnant the first time. I was diagnosed with a mild case of PCOS. Long story short, I rarely ovulate on my own and I haven't had a cycle is two years now. And as wonderful as that is (and I won't lie, it's pretty freaking great!), it makes trying for baby #2 very difficult.

I've spoken to my nurse practitioner (she helped us the last time), and she will prescribe something to bring on a period so I can start clomid again but I have to wait until I stop nursing. That's my dilemma. It's been five months since I talked to her and I really thought Callum would have quit on me by now, but he hasn't and he is showing no signs of quitting nursing on his own.

We really want to start trying for baby #2 and have been for months, but I can't help but feel guilty. I know it's ridiculous but I feel like I'm short changing Callum by taking away something that he enjoys and that I know is good for him. It's like I'm choosing the other baby over him. ...and that sounds so overly dramatic!

That's my dilemma. And because I'm incapable of making hard decisions, I'm probably going to continue bfing him for a bit longer...

Tomorrow's post is going to be on a totally non-baby related. It's about a hat. A friendly, but dirty old baseball hate.